He'll fight for freedom...

So I read TheTerrordrome retweeting Dave Willis today:
"It's just like G.I. Joe, but nobody's dressed like a Native American or a football player: http://tinyurl.com/3bkw5ul"


I'm going to skip the Native American part,  but I had to fire up Photoshop:

If you're not one of the three fans of Tracker, there's a reason he's there. (And no jersey, damn it.)

Governments are a cowardly and superstitious lot

Medvedev 'playing Robin to Putin's Batman'

Batman, Incorporated is going better than I thought

Image via lulabellpetunia

Mai Busketo

So a 5-gallon pail branded with Evangelion graphics popped up in my feeds. It sure seems like some bizarre branding, but with grandad reclaiming the 5 gallon pail he gave me (what makes it funnier, is that, like everything he gives me, he wrote my name and birthdate all over it. When I was moving, he grabbed it and said "Hey, this is one of mine isn't it? and looking at my name in 4" lettering on the side, I said "It sure is."), I am in need of a new one. (Or not.) Looking over it's particulars, I noticed a few things.

1.  NERV is now U.N. NERV, I guess as a nod to U.N. Spacy from Macross.
2.  The pail is Blood Type BASCKET (not Blue, so it's not an angel)

I really can't imagine taking flowers to some one in a 5 gallon pail. Maybe they mean Busket?

(If you think this is the longest stretch I've gone to for a joke, I should introduce myself sometime. )

I really should despise stuff like this...

But, hey kids , the Star Wars does that rapping you're all into.




(The Byronic Man judges will be calling me in the morning.)

4" Face turns

I've still been working through my to-do list, but took an aside to make two Scrap-Irons. It's not quite as ridiculous as it sounds. I picked up RoC Scrap-Iron and the Ferret awhile back, and didn't mind the odd Cobra Trooper limbs on Viper torso recipe, until I saw the unreleased Wave 16 Scrap Iron. Unreleased Scrap Iron used a Shipwreck torso and Airborne limbs, gave him a holster instead of a knife (Scrap-Iron doesn't seem like an up-close and personal guy), better sleeves, and a more disco collar, closer to his card art (and he originally used Airborne arms and lower legs anyway). Technically, I used Spirit's torso, and Rollbar's limbs, but hey.

Now when I saw the Accelerator suits, the first thing I thought was DTC Scrap-iron (I blame the shoulder armor.) Mine is the top half of a Accelerator Ripcord, with Resolute comic Destro legs.

Now what's up with the title? Scrap-Iron is a mercenary jerk who switched allegiance from Cobra Commander and Serpentor, all the while purportedly working for Destro. And yes, even by Cobra standards he was a jerk:

That's him blowing up the Soft Master (like Yoda, but nicer), Cobra Commander's son Billy (he got better), Candy Appel (Ripcords's girlfriend, Professor Appel's daughter, totally not a porn star) and an NPC.

Now wait, you ask, how do you get better from an Anti-Tank round? Larry Hama, that's why. See, as the franchise continued, the characters got more complex. Tooling around with Destro, Cobra Commander finds out that Billy survived being used as a pawn by the Baroness and Major Bludd, fleeing to train with Storm Shadow and Jinx, and tearfully decides to quit Cobra and become a better father. Which gets him a bullet in the back from Fred VII, then he gets better, and buries everyone who betrayed him alive. Eventually, nearly everybody goes through a change, as Storm Shadow comes back to life in Dr. Mindbender's clone tank, and forgives Snake-Eyes, Baroness learns Snake-Eyes didn't kill her father, and gives up terrorism, Destro gets tired of Cobra Commander's shit ("What's a firefight between old friends?") and Zartan shanks the Blind Master, and re-evaluates his life (stabbing an old blind ninja in an alleyway is far from the worst thing Zartan's done, but whatever.)

Leading up to working-with-GI-Joe Storm Shadow, and Ninja Force Zartan. I know there's already a Storm Shadow 88' in the modern era, but it doesn't have the rolled up sleeves and leg guards, and I do have the original, so I know it had different leg guards, but hey comic books:

Yep, that's some sort of ninja-fasces flying past J. Jonah Jameson's head. I can't find any sort of documentation of ninjas having bundles of sticks (bamboo?) wrapped around their legs, but I'm fairly sure the Arishikage death-trance isn't real either. Anyway, good-guy Storm Shadow uses the body of Arctic Threat Storm Shadow, with the lower arms and legs of Devil's Due SS, with version 25's bow, and the Red Ninja leader's rope and quivers.

And happy Zartan? Partly leftover's from Zandar, Zartan torso/legs w/ Arctic Assault Storm Shadow arms, wearing SRO Wild Bill's vest, hair by greenstuff.

Why would I call him happy? Well just look at him:

Man, everybody's so happy...

Oh yeah, Dr. Mindbender put post-hypnotic loyalty commands ("morality overrides") triggered by Cobra Commander's unmasked face. Which results in Destro and Zartan hunting the Baroness and Billy through Silent Castle, and destroying Darklonia with an ICBM. I told you, Cobra Commander got better.


(I still can't believe people object to the newest re-boot starting from this continuity, instead of Cobra takes over Hawaii, the Red Shadows, or some of the other bizarre continuities. And yes, I consider the G1/G2 Transformers crossovers less bizarre than the continuity where Unicron teamed up with Cobra-La...)

In Russia, Broom Sweeps You

No-one seems to be able to explain the broom at 0:13, or what happens to the guy using it. I've seen Flash-Bangs deployed on poles before, but I'd hate to think a Flash-Bang did that. Of course, Russia's deployed Fentanyl in place of Tear Gas/BZ before, so it's a possibility.

Local Newspaper Hip, Relevant

And, yes, it is fixed by now.

See you in hell, the party

 

(click to embiggen)

I'd like to throw my support behind Search for Intelligent Lifeforms.

200 posts = Freddy Mercury

I think I improved Bunche's non sequitor:

Bobbing for Scorpions

So, in-between falling back to sleep, and re-assuring Grandad that I don't mind classes being called off, nor are they going to fire me for not attending when I've explicitly been told not to come, I've geen fooling around on the internet. Which means finding things I can't believe exist.



Now, the Fear Factor jazz, I get. The Mario Party board they run on, the Legend of the Hidden Temple dressing, I can follow. The fact they do it surrounded by Mork, trolls,executioner midgets, women in faerie wings, Obelix, and a Van Wizard is unexplained. (Also, if cunningly brutal Mork is there, where is brutally cunning Gork?)

The trailer is over at Topless Robot, along with Doc Rotwang's notice of the fiery demise of his pants.

Brain-Damaged Cowboy Unleashed

Videogame Name Generator, Go!

Skeletoriental Adventures

It takes the Bollywood magic of Nafrat Ki Aandhi to make me realize I've been setting my sights too low all these years. Why settle for a Throne of Skulls when you can have a Throne of Skeletor?

Also, bonus points for Orko being just as useless, but less annoying.

It's no Atomic Volcano, but I like his style

I'm not sure what I'd do if I won $35 million in the lottery, but phrases like "Crime Zeppelin" and ""Schizoordinance" would become more common. That doesn't mean I disapprove of Jonathan Vargas and Wrestlicious

“It’s definitely always been a dream to be in the wrestling business. I grew up watching Jimmy Hart, Greg “The Hammer” Valentine and Nasty Boy Brian Knobbs, and it seems surreal that they are all part of Wrestlicious now” - press release

Well, technically it would be surreal if Brian Knobbs began melting in front of you, but I think if you said "Jimmy Hart, I want to spend $35 million dollars", there's a pretty realistic chance he'd show up. 

Also, kudos for choosing Lacey Von Erich as the pre-load image.

Happy St. Me Day

Manifesto of the
BLACK THORN LEAGUE

1. According to orally-transmitted teachings of Noble Drew Ali, founder & Prophet of the Moorish Science Temple of America: -- Ireland was once part of the Moorish Empire; that is, the celts were Moslems, & there were black moors from N. Africa also present in Ireland. But the moors were expelled by militant Christianity -- this event is disguised in the legend of St. Patrick's expelling the snakes - for which reason the MST celebrates St. Patrick's Day, in a mood of irony perhaps, in expectation of an eventual Return.

   
   
   

2. In Noble Drew Ali's system, celts are considered an "Asiatic race", & thus potential converts to Moorish Science. We consider NDA's theories to be racial but not racist, because (again according to oral tradition) they were based (at least in part) on spiritual affinity. "Europeans" who wished to Join the MST (including some of the later founders of the Moorish Orthodox Church) were declared to be really celts or "Persians" -- (which may have something to do with the oft-remarked similarity of Eiran and Iran).

   
   
   

3. NDA's hidden history of Ireland may be taken as an esoteric metaphor -but it is supported in some surprising ways by archaeology & even "official" history. In the first place, the celts are an Asiatic race, or at least the most recent arrivals in the west from the mysterious "Hyperborean" heartland of the Aryans -- last of those nomadic migrations which settled India, Persia & Greece.

   
   
   

4. Second: What is one to make of those early Celtic crosses inscribed with the bismillah ("In the Name of God", opening words of the Koran) in kufic Arabic, found in Ireland? The Celtic Church, before its destruction by the Roman hierarchy, maintained a close connection with the desert hermit-monks of Egypt. Is it possible this connection persisted past the 7th/8th centuries, & that the role of the monks was taken up by Moslems? by Sufis? in contact with a still-surviving underground Celtic Church,
   now become completely heretical, & willing to syncretize Islamic esotericism with its own Nature-oriented & poetic Faith?

   
   
   

5. Such a syncresis was certainly performed centuries later by the Templars & the Assassins (Nizari Ismailis). When the Temple was suppressed by Rome & its leaders burned at the stake, Ireland provided refuge for many incognito Templars. According to The Temple & The Lodge, these Templars later reorganized as a rogue Irish branch of Freemasonry, which (in the early 18th century) would resist amalgamation with the London Grand Lodge. The Islamic connection with masonry is quite clear, both in the Templar & the Rosicrucian traditions, but Irish masonry may have inherited an even earlier Islamic link -- memorialized in those enigmatic crosses!

   
   
   

6. It's interesting to note that Noble Drew Ali's Masonic initiations may not have been limited to Prince Hall or black Shriner transmissions, but may also have included some hidden lines connected to Irish masonry, & dating back to Revolutionary days in American history. It is known that many common soldiers in the British Colonial Army were masons affiliated with the Irish rather than the London Grand Lodge. This "class" difference -was reflected in the American Revolutionary Army, whose officers were "official" masons but whose private ranks tended to be "Irish".

   
   
   
   

7. Historians sometimes forget that in the 18th century, in America, the Irish were generally considered "no better than Negroes". In 1741 on St. Patrick's Day in New York a riot broke out, involving a conspiracy which included Irish, African, & Native American men & women -- naturally "of the meanest sort." Some Irish conspirators were overheard to swear they'd kill as many "white people" as possible. The uprising failed & the plotters were executed. As the bodies of two hanged in the open air decayed in an Iron gibbet, "observers noticed a gruesome, yet instructive, transformation. The corpse of an Irishman turned black & his hair curly while the corpse of Caesar the African, bleached white. It was accounted a 'wondrous phenomenon'" (Linebaugh & Rediker, "The Many-Headed Hydra").

   
   
   

8. Clearly the Celt & African were linked not only in the gaze of the oppressor class, but also in their own world-view -- as comrades, as somehow the same -- in a solidarity which extended to Indians & to other "Europeans" who fell beneath the level of the "respectable poor" into the category of slaves & outcasts. Racist feelings did not divide the 18th century poor & marginalized -- as would become the case under later Capitalism. Rather the marginalized of all races constituted an underclass
   & moreover, an underclass with some awareness of itself, hence with a certain power (the power of the "strong victim"). This consciousness might well have been developed in part by Irish-black "masonry" of some sort. And Noble Drew Ali might have known of this tradition, which he masked (or perhaps unveiled) in his parable of the snakes - & celebration of March 17th.

   
   
   

9. In another interpretation of St. Patrick's anti-reptilism, the "snakes" he banished were in fact "druids", i.e. Celtic pagans. The snake may have been an emblem of the Old Faith, as it is for many forms of paganism, including African (Damballah) & Indian (the Nagas) -- & even for the Ophite Christianity of Egypt (Christ himself depicted as a crucified snake).

   
   
   

10. Celtic pagan lore was embedded in the Romance traditions especially in the Arthurian material -- & here once again. we find ourselves in the world of the Arabo-Celtic crosses. For the romances are permeated with "Islamic" consciousness. In Malory's Morte dArthur & Eschenbach's Parzifal many Saracen (i.e. Moslem/Moorish) knights are depicted not as enemies but allies of the Celts -- & in the latter book the entire story is attributed to Moorish sources (which are now lost). Saracens, Christians, & crypto-pagans are united in a mystical cult of chivalry which transcends outward religious forms, & is emblematized not only in pagan symbols like the Grail & the Questing Beast, but even in such cultural borrowings as the lute (al-'ud in Arabic), or indeed the cult of romantic/chivalric love, transmitted from Islam to the west by Sufis in Spain.

    
    
    

11. Ireland's contacts with Spain certainly extend back into the Islamic period, & the so-called "Black Irish" may have as many Moorish as castillian genes. Medieval Irish monks probably absorbed Sufism & Islamic philosophy along with the art of the illuminated manuscript -- witness the extraordinary stylistic resonance between the Book of Eells & the Kufic Korans of Omayyad Spain. If St. Francis could visit N. Africa & come back to Italy wearing a Sufi's patched cloak, so the Irish might easily borrow from Egypt & al-Andalus.

    
    
    

12. All speculation aside, the Moorish Orthodox Church entertains its own esoteric interpretation of NDA's teachings on these matters. We
    heartily endorse his "elective affinity" theory of affiliation with a greater spiritual Celto-Asiatic "race". DNA counts for something, but soul for a great deal more. "Every man & woman their own vine & fig tree" (one of NDA's slogans) is not a matter of fate but of character, not of birth but of choice.

    
    
    

13. In our historical/imaginative exegesis & unfolding of NDA's parable, we have uncovered a complex of heretical Islamic & Moorish cultural strands linking Celtic neo-paganism, esoteric Christianity, & the Arthurian cycle, thru Sufism & masonry, to the perennial libertarian struggle of the marginalized & oppressed peoples of the "Atlantic" world.

    
    
    

14. We propose to embody this poetic complex in a popular chivalric order, devoted symbolically to the cause of "bringing the snakes back to Ireland" - that is, of uniting all these mystical strands into one patterned weave, which will restore the power of its synergistic or syncretistic power to the hearts of those who respond to the particular "taste" of its mix. We have borrowed this slogan from contemporary neo-pagans in order to symbolize the special mission our order will undertake toward Celtic-Moorish friendship. The BLACK THORN LEAGUE will be open to all, regardless of whether they are MOC members or not, providing only that they support this particular goal.

    
    
    

15. "Black" in our title signifies not only the black banners of the moors but also the black flag of anarchy. "Blackthorn", because the tree symbolizes druid Irelands & is used to make cudgels. "League", in honor of the various Irish rebel groups which have organized as such. Other organizational models include such Masonic-revolutionary groups as the Carbonari, or Proudhon's anarchist "Holy Vehm", or Bakunin's Revolutionary Brotherhood. We also emulate certain anarcho-Taoist Chinese tongs (such as the Chaos Society)~~ & hope to evolve the kind of informal mutual aid webworks they developed.

    
    
    

16. The League will bestow the Order of the Black Thorn as title & honor, & will hold an annual conclave & banquet on St. Patrick's Day in memory both of Noble Drew Ali's vision, & of those rioters of 1741 who conspired in low taverns to overthrow the State.
    

Bring The Snakes Back To Ireland!

 

Back to Hakim Bey and Ontological Anarchy.

 

It's already began

The need for Obama action figures is being filled.

I think it also explains why Cheney is in a wheelchair.

What's In the Box?

Click Here to find out...

BACON EXPLOSION!

BACON WEAVE = AC 6

• 2 pounds thick cut bacon
  
• 2 pounds Italian sausage
  
• 1 jar of your favorite barbeque sauce
  
• 1 jar of your favorite barbeque rub
  

To kick off the construction of this pork medley you’ll need to create a 5×5 bacon weave. If the strips you’re using aren’t as wide as the ones pictured, then you may need to use a few extra slices to fill out the pattern. Just make sure your weave is tight and that you end up with a nice square shape to work with.

The next step is to add some barbeque seasoning on top of your bacon weave. Being the barbeque addict that I am, I whipped up a batch of Burnt Finger BBQ’s competition pork rub for this special occasion. Seeing as not everyone has the time, or the expertise, to create a tasty rub of their own, I would recommend trying Bad Byron’s Butt Rub, Rendezvous Famous Seasoning, or Steven Raichlen’s All-Purpose Rub.

Now that you’re pork is well seasoned, it’s time to add more pork. Take two pounds of Italian sausage and layer it directly on top of your bacon weave. Be sure to press the sausage to the outer edges of the bacon creating a patty that is the same thickness all the way across. Most grocery stores carry loose sausage, so just pick out one you like. I chose to go with a mild sausage, but spicy would work just the same. If you really want to get crazy, take a stab at making your own homemade sausage.

Next up is bacon layer number two. Take the remaining bacon slices and fry them up the same way you would for breakfast (or lunch, or dinner, or a midnight snack). If you like soft bacon, make it soft. If you like crunchy bacon, make it crunchy. If you like your bacon burnt to hell so the smoke detectors go off, then burn it to hell so the smoke detectors go off. These pieces are going to be a major part of the inner flavor of our sausage fatty, so cook them your favorite way. Personally, I like my bacon right at the point when it starts to get crispy, but hasn’t quite lost all of the softness yet. Regardless of how well done you like yours, you’ll need to crumble or chop the cooked strips into bite size pieces and place on top of the sausage layer. (Note-It’s okay, and encouraged, to snack on these pieces while your chopping/crumbling. But keep in mind that once those bacon morsels touch the raw sausage, you’ll need to resist all temptations to nibble. This can and will be difficult, but hospital trips are no fun, so stay strong.)

Since this is a barbeque recipe, we need to add another layer of barbeque flavor. Take your favorite sauce and drizzle it all over the top of the bacon pieces. Personally, I prefer to use Burnt Finger BBQ’s homemade competition sauce, but if you’re torn on what brand to use I recommend Cowtown, Blues Hog, and Fiorella’s Jack Stack. Once you’ve sauced the bacon, sprinkle on some more of the barbeque seasoning you used on the bacon weave.

Now comes the fun part. Very carefully separate the front edge of the sausage layer from the bacon weave and begin rolling backwards. You want to include all layers EXCEPT the bacon weave in your roll. Try and keep the sausage as tight as possible and be sure to release any air pockets that may have formed. Once the sausage is fully rolled up, pinch together the seams and ends to seal all of the bacon goodness inside.

At this point we can start to see the final shape of our Bacon Explosion, but we’re missing one key item. To complte the constuction process, roll the sausage forward completely wrapping it in the bacon weave. Make sure it sits with the seam facing downward to help keep it all sealed up.

Sprinkle some barbeque seasoning on the outside of the bacon weave, and now this bad boy is ready for the smoker. Cook your Bacon Explosion at 225 degrees in a constant cloud of hickory smoke until your Thermapen gives an internal temperature reading of 165 degrees. Normally this will take about 1 hour for each inch of thickness, but that could vary depending on how well you maintain your fire and also how many times you open the smoker to take a peek. Mine took about 2.5 hours, which was right on target with its 2.5 inch diameter.

Now that our Bacon Explosion is fully cooked, we need to add some finishing flavors. Remember that barbecue sauce we used for inner flavor? We’ll be using that same sauce to glaze the cooked bacon weave. Using a basting brush, coat the entire surface with a thin layer of sauce. Sweet sauces are loaded with sugars, so they’ll give your fatty a nice glossy finish. Spicy and vinegar based sauces don’t contain as much, so they won’t set up as well. If you’re dead set on using those sauces, just cut them with a bit of honey and you’ll get the same effect.

HIS NAME IS BACK EXPLOSION.
HIS CLASS IS BACON.
HIS OTHER CLASS IS MORE BACON.

HE IS IN IT TO CLOG YOU ARTERIES.

CHILI-CHEESE GIGANTOR WITH MEATBREAD

STEP 1: TAKE 5 LBS OF GROUND CHUCK, TWO LARGE ONIONS, 6 BELL PEPPERS, 3 JALAPENOS, 2 CHILTEPINS, 4 CLOVES OF CHOPPED GARLIC, 5 TABLESPOONS OF CHILI POWDER, 2 TEASPOONS OF CUMIN, 1 TABLESPOON OF CAYENNE, 4 TABLESPOONS OF MASA FLOUR WITH WATER, 1 QUARTER CUP OF SUGAR, 6 TOMATOS AND SALT (to taste), MAKE CHILI
STEP 2: AFTER COOKING THE CHILI, LEAVE IT SIMMERING WHILE YOU COOK THE REST OF THIS SHIT
STEP 3: WHIP UP A GIGANTOR PATTY, GOOGLE THE RECIPE IF YOU NEED
STEP 4: WHILE THAT'S COOKING, BAKE TWO LARGE SLABS OF MEATBREAD FOR USE AS BUNS, NO I WON'T TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE MEATBREAD
STEP 5: THE PATTY AND BUNS SHOULD BE DONE, AND THE POT YOU HAVE THE CHILI IN SHOULD BE MELTING BY NOW, SO THAT'S DONE TOO
STEP 6: PLACE PATTY AND TOPPINGS ON MEATBREAD BUN, COVER WITH CHILI
STEP 7: UPDATE WILL, BUY LIFE INSURANCE, VISIT FAMILY, PRAY
STEP 8: CONSUME
STEP 9: ???
STEP 10: HHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhnnnnnnngggggg-

Why I still read 4chan

Asmodeus is never seen without his Ruby Rod that serves as a badge of office as well as having several powerful offensive and defensive powers. The Rod allows Asmodeus to attack with elemental forces, force his enemies to cower in fear, or cover himself with a field which heals and protects him. The Rod has the names of several good-aligned deities spelt backwards.

It's not real until it's on YouTube

Send the Books!