Popular writing, or temporal lobe epilepsy?

Top 10 toys of 2009, via being savaged in a forum thread.

Some highlights...

The toy speaks clearly of how Obama want the United States that he is governing to be. He has a removable hand that could be manipulated to hold a 9 mm, shotgun, light saber and many more arms that he uses to fight all the evil men.
As much as I want a live-action Metal Wolf Chaos, I'm pretty sure bootleg action figures aren't what POTUS wants the republic to grow into. The removable hand part is cool, though, since you could re-enact that scene in Bespin.
6. Watchmen
The watchmen would surely be a toy to entertain young boys. Children would play these watchmen and make them move and fight each other.
Well, spoiler alert, first off.
7. Eddie Guerrero Action Figure
He is one of the very popular world wrestler that children love. They consider him a hero who could save the weaker ones. This action figure is usually played by children with other action figures to test if he is really that tough guy in wrestling.
This is the only part of this bizarre word salad I hope is true, but I'm not sure what kids remember a man four years dead.
8. Batman Dark Knight
He was created in order to outsmart and fight all the super villains. Batman is in every child's mouth since it has been circulating in the market for years. Even girls, old men and women know about this action figure who they trust as a saver of the world gone mad.
Innuendo, or disease warning? You be the judge.
9. Indians Jones
Just like the movie Indiana Jones packed with actions, Indiana Jones action figure looks it and children love Indiana Jones because they could bend the knees and elbows, make it dive or fall down without breaking.
I swear I'm not making up the "Indians Jones" typo. Much like Ben 10's number one position on this list, I am baffled, since the line has failed on the molecular level. For example, Shopko, home of the $12 single-card figure, last had these guys at $1.90. 
10. G.I. Joe
He is a man with many missions to fight and win and help the weaker people from those who bully them.
Apparently, this man has read GI Tall's mission statement.
G.I. Tall
Yo tall!
He for freedom regardless of where has the trouble,
GI tall the fight will be there!
GI tall...
1 genuine American hero
GI tall is there.
Its GI tall opposition cobra and Destro,
fight preservation day.
He never give, he always are there,
fights for freely in the land and the air.
GI tall...
1 genuine American hero
GI tall is there.
(Speech) GI tall is codename is USA'S boldness, highly is trained, special mission force. Its goal: Defends the person freely opposes cobra, callous, the terrorist organizes to determine rules this world.
He never give, he will leave behind the fight win -
GI tall dare.
GI tall...
1 genuine American hero
GI tall!